more bloggy fun goodness but in a really frusterating and vaguely sarcastic way

first let me mention that my 'f' key is all whack and that it's irritating the hell out of me.

second let me mention that the two bigger kids are all whack and irritating the hell out of me. was it that the weather was beautiful and we decided to go to the beach? was it the naked guy at naked-guy beach that threw the whole day off? it is in the air? can they sense, like rabid dogs, that today was a day of weakness for me (sore throat) and their moment to strike? whatever the case, thank the lawrd, they're all asleep now.

need another example of the world being against me? i picked r up on friday (miss bk's car is in the shop, so he's carless) and we drove cheerfully to his lawyer's where we cheerfully climbed the stairs and cheerfully informed the less-than-cheerful paralegal that we 'are here to sign our divorce papers!' and then she deflated us in her snotty older lady tone and said 'yeah well, they're (the papers) not here and neither is the lawyer.' who is thwarting this divorce? anyway, we're trying again on monday.

so d and i are going up to zinnia in san francisco for dinner on thursday and then going back up with friends on friday and spending the night. btw, meme is AWESOME and named her price ($95 w00t) on priceline and got us a couple of rooms at the grand hyatt in downtown sf on friday (my birthday!). awesome deal, awesome friend. :) anyone coming?

the one where i explain why kindergarten applications are almost as bad as college applications

yeah so, i've been doing kindergarten tours. the two schools that i'm seriously considering are the neighborhood school we're assigned to in our district and a charter school that is also in our district. i'm having a tough time deciding.

  • 838 on the california academic performance index vs. 849 API
  • 8/10 state rank vs. 9/10 state rank
  • both schools have 20 kids per class. both are all day (8.00-2.30) programs. both 100% full credentialed teachers. both are public schools.

but from here they diverge. the charter school is a parent participation K-5. parents are required to be in the classroom 3 hours a week (per child), take three parent education classes, be on a board, have an additional school job and participate in school cleanup one day a year. that the student to adult ratio at 5 to 1 versus 20 (or 30) to 1. the school is tiny with less than 250 kids total. the music and art programs are completely funded by the school and will therefore never go away due to state budget cuts. there are (awesome) field trips every four weeks. there are enrichment programs every single day. unfortunately, there are only 17 openings this year. lottery chosen and lots of people who will be on the waiting list. thankfully, as we're in district we have a chance.

the neighborhood school is also highly rated but doesn't have art or music because of cuts. the school is bigger and there are only teachers on campus. educationally however it is really really solid. we're guaranteed a spot.

if p gets in to the charter, 'renzo is guaranteed a spot in two years. but, that means all my responsibilities would be doubled. SIX hours a week in classrooms plus double the jobs, etc.

private schools are COMPLETELY out of the question. non-religious ones are $18,000 a YEAR. holymarymotherofgod. religious ones are cheaper but uh, religious.

dinner time bbl.

the one where i have excuses, oh so many excuses

as you've probably noted i haven't been in a huge writing mood lately. i've been choosing to read instead. a little bit of everything.

friday we're signing the papers. both of us at his lawyer's office and then i'm hand delivering them to my lawyer who will walk them through the court early next week. it's seeming a bit ridiculous to mention it at this point because part of me already feels like it's over and this is just a formality and part of me feels like it'll never actually happen so why bother getting my hopes up. what's most been on my mind is that when it IS done (and it will be one way or another...) i'll be legally able to do again what i've been already able to do emotionally. somehow the unfinished business of the divorce has felt like a safety-net against more pain, though i know that that's just a delusion.

whoops, gotta go get p from school.

depth

so this is how it is
to find yourself untethered,
adrift with no real knowlege
of the constelations or tides

so this is how it is
to capsize and float, with arms
outstretched seeking that angle
between magnetic and true north

so this is how it is
to taste the greenish bloom of
ocean water, to be first the buoy
then the anchor, then the wreck