It's time to pay the piper. He's gonna reap what he sowed, and it sure ain't corn. Or wheat.

watched a really funny (and strange) movie out of new zealand last night called eagle vs. shark. it stars jermaine from flight of the conchords. worth checking out. it's one of those films that's so awkward you almost can't watch. a teeny bit along the lines of napoleon dynamite. plus it has a really cool soundtrack. anyone else seen this?

parker struggled leaving to go with bk today but i strongly pushed for it. she seemed to be in good spirits when she got home (10 - 15 minutes early). i offered him tomorrow night since we're not leaving for arnold until lateish. he declined. i told him that if mornings worked better for him he was free to take the kids on friday mornings, since he says he's working saturday night's now. he said he'd 'think about it.' i don't think he wants to get up and have them that early in the morning. funny, i've gotten used to never having a chance to sleep in. i think he's gotten used to being able to 7 days a week. must be nice to have such a flexible work schedule.

speaking of flexible work schedule...i'm really really loving this new job writing test questions. i never really was a huge fan of history but i'm enjoying pulling together all these resources and coming up with things that challenge me and that i know will challenge the kids. i find it much less frustrating that grading papers (hiya doug, call me, hope your summer has been dandy) because i can get interrupted and resume instead of interrupted and have to start over. tiny little one question tasks that even i can do with three kids in the house. so yay. and thanks to the mama that thought of me. you can't imagine what a pleasant surprise this has been. go ahead ya'll ask me anything you want about the rise and fall of the roman empire. ;)

the one where it doesn't sound that funny to peel your skin off and roll in the sand but you laugh anyway

bk stopped by on monday and brought dinner for the kids, d, my mom and i. *scratches head* he said he thought we were coming back on wednesday and that he had made plans to work late. in any case, i offered him tuesday/wednesday since he only stayed about 10 minutes but he said he'd have to 'check the calendar.'

then yesterday he called during naps and asked if i had a second to talk. he was pissed because we're 'always out of town on his visitation days and that was one of the things you brought up in court.' i managed to stay calm and told him that i didn't appreciate a pissy call out of the blue when he'd clearly been getting upset for days. i reminded him that he was always welcome to ask for extra days and that we'd only been out of town one weekend during this whole summer. he wanted to know why we didn't go in the middle of the week. it was a family reunion. p has summer camp. i have a JOB. you were out of town the previous weekend. we switched for the 4th of july. (i didn't mention the dozens and dozens of times he's cancelled/changed plans where my plans got completely out of wack.) i'm completely willing to be flexible when out of the ordinary things occur, like this, but i'm not willing to change things on a weekly basis. he's taking them a couple of extra days next week to make up for what he missed because we were in oregon. and ohbytheway, he's going to have to drop fridays because he's going to start working those nights...

take your visitation. use 100% of it. love on those little kiddos and keep your promises to them (and me if you're feeling generous). if i take the kids on a rare getaway, ask for another day. don't make this about how much you can prove in court (i've got it written down anyway). make it about spending time with them for time's sake because it's what's good and right.

dear catastrophe waitress: the family reunion

song is 'one crowded hour' by augie march

and when we came back, the light was STILL ON

we're home. gotta put in some laundry and upload the pictures. a real post to follow.

i misspoke in the last post. hearing is set for october FIRST, not 31st. also, had a letter waiting in the mail from my lawyer and his saying they (bk and his minion) wants to make some settlement until we go to court. he lowballed the state guildelines. big time.

we'll leave the light on for you

meeeeedford, spent the night here. good little drive up here to medford; we have another 4-6 hours but we've made good time with only one quickie dinner stop and one gas break. so far so good. it isn't 900 degrees or anything. 

and yes, of course it is nice to be getting along with r. i'm a bit weary and suspicious because nothing has been what it seems since all this began. and i wasn't trying to discredit anything (or be dramatic) by saying we were really just friends. what i meant by that was that while we shared a deep love (and i do believe we did), that fiery chemistry wasn't ever there. that's not something i'm even particularly regretful about but something i'll be aware of in other relationships. it was enough to sustain me happily(ish) but not him. 

okay, gotta jet. i'll check in later!

oh, almost forgot! i got a letter from dcss. we're going before the commissioner on october 31. snap!

whoa, i think i may have *actually* hit my head on the top bunk bed and fainted

the sunglasses are from dolce & gabanna and cost me $450. but really? they're from target and they cost me $7. ;) eh, mike?

bk called and asked if he could come over to say goodbye to the kids before we go out of town. sure. i was serving the kids their dinner and he practically knocked me over trying to help with things i clearly had under control. i went to cut lorenzo's squash and he offered to do it for me. i bent to lift a box of paper and he offered to do it for me. he tried to make conversation. i felt awkward. he started to take out the recycling and then insisted on doing it when i told him to leave it. he asked if i had trash in my bedroom and i stopped him as he crossed the threshold. i'm really not comfortable with you being in my bedroom. 'okay, that's why i asked.' but he didn't really ask and doesn't seem to know why this might be crossing some boundary of mine. he asked if we had someone to watch the house while we're out of town, like it would be appropriate for him to do it. he was in this strange reminicing place tonight and it felt odd because my anger towards him has blurred any desire to remember the good times, and there were so many. his help felt genuine and i wish that we were still divorcing but that he was the guy that was my best friend for 10 years, who i trusted and knew and loved. i think that was where we went wrong; we were such good friends. and nothing more.

i'm just saying

one does not 'loose' weight. one may lose weight but they may not loose weight. so thank you giant billboard by the local rec department, i needed a good laugh on my bike ride this morning.