blinded by the light

it takes me only a browse back through the archives to realize that not much has actually changed other than superficial niceties. i was kindly reminded last night that i tend towards gullibility and have no real reason to trust the situation any more than before. he's not particularly more involved; it just feels that way because things are comfortable and easy in terms of communication. still, it's once (maybe twice) a week visits and they're that...play dates, not parenting in a tooth-brushing, bath-giving, butt-wiping sense. i feel detached from all of this; it is what it is and it's been a damn long time now - almost three years. truly, that letter from dcss made me realize that he just waited me out. i broke first.

i'm supposed to get my repaired hard drive tomorrow and i'm going to be focusing a bit more on pictures/images than i have in a while.

meanwhile, i completely redid the kids'/guest bathroom and i'm thrilled beyond belief with my own handywork. i finished to late today to take a picture in natural light. i'll upload pictures before i start on the kids' bedroom tomorrow morning.

da paint

the kids and i spent all day yesterday going through their bedroom and came up with 10 garbage bags of toys, books, stuffed animals, puzzles, dress up clothes, etc. to sell and donate. they were awesome and completely uncluttered their room, getting rid of about HALF of their things. i put everything up on craigslist and within an hour we made enough money to buy the paint for their room. parker helped me prime and paint their bookcase and a cute little stepstool. i'll have pictures up tomorrow when i've replaced the batteries in my camera...gah!

ah, and here's a good one: i finally got a ruling from the department of child support services in the mail on saturday. the divorce has been final for months. the order has been in place for months. the dcss case has been (to my knowledge) CLOSED for months. and yet, they apparently didn't get the memo and suggested that he pay me $300 more a month than i'm getting. oh wait, no, they did get the memo. there was ALSO a letter in the mailbox saying that the case had been closed. *scratches head* wigga-what? fucking tax dollars hard at work. if bk and i hadn't settled in january it would JUST NOW be time for a ruling. over a year and a half after i opened my case. i'd be on the flipping streets by now...

floor model

prepare yourself for several months of before and after pictures. (meanwhile, i'm preparing myself for a bit of chaos and general houshold craziness.) i found a FANtastic deal on engineered oak flooring (that stuff up there). only $1.49 a square foot (down from $4.49) and ben's dad is doing the install for me for a steal! i'm taking it one room at a time and the kids get to have their room done first. everything is coming out of the room and being gone through. also, as long as the carpet's going i'm painting the entire interior of the house. when all this is done we're starting on the outside...


what i did on my summer vacation

jen & i won tickets to see tori amos last night (yet another perk of working the farmers' markets). a real grownup performance (no purse check, no smoking, and no standing up)! lovely and bizzare. by my count she played one grand piano, at least five keyboards and an electric organ. most of the evening she stradled her stool and played two at once. AWESOME.



oh, and incidentally, the san jose center for the performing arts is an incredible venue. amazing acoustics, intimate setting, and easy to get to.

anchors away

so little time lately...ah the joys of small business ownership. we're likely starting at a fifth market (in santa cruz!) in a couple of weeks and we're thrilled about it. as usual, it's been a matter of keeping up with production. all four of us are doing something s&b related 7 days a week. we're looking to upgrade our machinery again so that we can do 70 pounds of chocolate at once. i still can't believe that this is the little idea ben had 2.5 years ago.

things are feeling a bit in flux...not for me in particular but there are lots of big changes going on around me (engagements, babies, breakups, etc). all of this moving energy is leaving me feeling a bit 'off.' (did anyone else's kids sleep poorly this week with the full moon?) i guess i'm not even sure how to put into words what's going on and how i feel like i'm hovering just a half inch above the ground.

things with bk are...different. this is the first time (really since i've met him i suppose) that i feel blankness. i don't miss him. i'm not wondering about him. i'm not annoyed or mad or sad or anything about him. he's just the father of my children now and i'm giving him little more energy or thought than dealing with scheduling (he's taking the kids on sundays and typically having lunch with us once a week). since he and miss bk broke up i've been able to tell him some of the ways that his decisions impacted me and the kids (you were in italy on vacation. we couldn't afford food. you did that.). he listens quietly but tends to shift the blame to her. i hold them equally responsible for the decisions but again, she had no reason to consider me or the kids (aside from human decency, which apparently wasn't an issue).

k, true blood is on and that trumps all.

ch-ch-change

i still have pictures/videos to upload from renzo's birthday. my external hardrive crashed and i had to ship it off so my pictures could be rescued. *horror* in any case, i should have everything ready to go. but here's mr. baby on his new big boy bike! (click to enlarge)

and in other exciting news, we're about to embark on a (very) mini remodel. about half of our house is tiled with nice big 18" tiles and the rest is carpeted. i loathe carpet. so the carpet is outta here. (and while it's all pulled up, i'm painting the whole house too.) i hope ya'll like before/after... now: advice? i'm between laminate, hardwood, and bamboo. i'm leaning heavily towards bamboo because it's so eco friendly. anyone have any experience?