renzo: mom, can i have a screwdriver?
me: why?
renzo: because i need one. because i need to unscrew something.
me: *blank*
renzo: can i please have a screwdriver?
me: *blank* um, no.

the darndest things

me: hey guys, you get to see your dad tomorrow.
parker: (with sarcasm) oh joy.
me: that's enthusiastic.
parker: i'd seriously rather watch you do dishes.
me: *raised eyebrows*
parker: i have more fun on my timeouts.
lorenzo: (to himself) i'm still hungry.

thursday 13: week 12 holy shit it's thursday edition

thirteen things that happened since last thursday

1) my best friend amanda (of 25 years!) got married! i was the maid of honor, a job i luuuurved and stressed about to a serious degree. i procrastinated (as usual) and wrote my (what i'm told was a very solid and moving) moh speech about three hours before the wedding. wanna know how i got through college? yeah, like that.

2) i caught the bouquet and felt a little rush of joy at the thought of someday being married to d (refer to number four on this list). the garter bounced off of d's fingertips and landed in the hands of the ring bearer. parker snatched the bouquet out of my hands so fast and raced over to him to seal the deal with him. another wedding in 20 years anyone? (see number 7)

3) snake & butterfly got several new wholesale accounts and was contacted by bon appetit magazine for a potential article (omg! omg! omg!).

Danny.jpg

4) isn't he handsome? yeah, i fell in love again this week too.

5) d2 came for a visit and reminded me how out of practice i am at parenting/wrangling three kids and that i do not now, or ever, want another baby. ;)

6) I watched gangs of new york for the first time. *thumbs up* seriously, what the hell was i doing from 2001 to 2006? i feel like i missed out on a ton of stuff. maybe this is why i'm excited for my thirties. yeah, i'm gonna pay attention to that decade.

7) my daughter fell in love with a very tiny groomsman. after ignoring him for the entirety of the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner and racing as fast as she could down the aisle with him, miss p was suddenly and completely smitten with one of auntie amanda's new nephews. she sat at his table for dinner and raced around the lawns and dance floor until she could no longer stand upright.

8) i taught the kids about the joys of the used book store. they collected some very good condition and not very liked books of theirs and took them to our local non-musty, well organized used bookstore. and they made $34, that they spent on books! i had to convince renzo that he would regret buying ALL spongebob books.

9) all that crazy shit with mel gibson happened. seriously? what a psycho that guy is. can you imagine how vindicating it must be to release those tapes though?

10) i took a crazy hard aqua aerobics class and it kicked my butt. i may have been the youngest one there by 40 years but i did it without a floaty and it was hard ya'll. i'm not going to say that i'm trying to work out more because then i'll just stop but um, i have worked out more lately.

11) i narrowly escaped having to meet bk's latest girlfriend. he asked if she could come over to watch the kids with him tonight and i decided it would be best that that not happen, virtually unannounced, in MY house. i don't have a problem her or with them seeing each other (she's a young mom) but good lord. boundaries man, boundaries.

12) i was asked to attend my friend's uc homebirth. i'm thrilled and honored and cannot wait.

13) lots of good sex. :)

thursday 13: week 11 on a wednesday

13 things that may change your opinion of me

1) i'm lazy in certain ways and a complete procrastinator. if i can have one of the kids grab something for me instead of getting up and getting it myself, i will. that said, if there's no parking close to the store i'm going in, i don't mind hoofing it half way across town.

2) i didn't lose my virginity until i was 18. but it was in paris on the first day of the new millennium.

3) i didn't have sex on my honeymoon. that's right, i started my period on the airplane to maui, developed the WORST bladder infection of my life on our second day there and then had to be rushed to the emergency room because i fainted from it turning into a kidney infection.

4) i have a mensa level IQ and a learning disability.

5) i'm vain about my small waist...and hate my breasts. five years of breastfeeding anyone?

6) there is mental illness in my family. i've been on anti-depressants for ten years and expect to be on them for the rest of my life.

7) i used to be a compulsive keeper of things. now, i can't stop getting rid of stuff.

8) i've kissed a few women in my day.

9) i hope my kids grow up to look just like me and my family.

10) this is the last year i will be poor. i don't care if i have to lie, cheat and steal. i've served my time in the poor house and i'm so over it.

11) i've had more sex in the last month than i had in the last two years of my marriage.

12) i haven't written my maid of honor speech yet. the wedding is the day after tomorrow!

13) i took an aqua aerobics class yesterday and i was the youngest one there by at least 40 years. ;)

changing gears or ... how this is about to become a blog about sex, ish

i've realized lately that the reason i've been having a hard time blogging is because i'm trying to fit my new life into what has become a dumping ground for all things crap. what started out as a blog about our little family (rightly) evolved into a blog about abandonment, divorce, and my feelings of anger towards bk. it has been cathartic but now happily, is a bit outdated. so, i'm going to try and bring it back to all things current. and fair warning to my family and squeamish friends. that may mean sex. don't worry though, i'll give you a chance to avert your eyes if it's anything very personal. ;)

an update of karmic nature

so i heard through the grapevine (from her own brother) that the former miss bk (i know, i barely remember her either) is marrying the man she cheated on bk with. this involves a move to spain. phew! in the almost four years that we've lived under one mile from each other i have never (to my knowledge) crossed paths with her. i've seen her from across the way at her place of employment but never had a run in with her. in fact, up until a few weeks ago i never dreamed of her even. (in this dream she came up to me and scratched me across the face, pulled my hair and called me a whore. tragically, even given the relative safety of rem sleep, i took the high road and turned on my heel, saying nothing. i guess that ship has sailed, or will be soon in any case.) so miss bk: happy trails to you! may our lives never intertwine again. and if they do, may i be very very inebriated and forget my manners!

bk tells me with a snort (and a straight face) that while miss bk cheated on him with her now fiance, she later cheated on her now fiance with bk. oh what a tangled web we weave! (and here i am living in domestic bliss. i know, boring right?) meanwhile bk is currently seeing a 24 year old with a four year old daughter of her own. he tells me that she's a 'good girl. a really good girl.' and maybe she is. she lives a few hours away and of course this spells more cancelled visits for MY kids as lately he's trying to coordinate the long distance thing with a 'single mom' (poor thing...i can't even begin to imagine what that's like!). it also explains the new tattoo and the belaboring about the trials and joys of single fatherhood at children's birthday parties (*waves to colleen*).

so um, yeah, on this eve of fathers' day bk i present you with this. and to the man who is actually helping me raise our lovely children: gratitude. mountains and mountains of gratitude. *muah*