thursday was a shitty day. r came over and was being passive aggressive. he said he had errands. i asked him what kind. "just a few." like what? "it doesn't matter what kind." can't i be curious? "yeah, you can be curious." silence. this upsets me. because, you know, we're married still and his life is my business. then i notice that he isn't wearing his wedding ring. why not? he holds up his hands. no rings. "i decided i don't want to wear rings." r, that's a bullshit answer. tell me the truth. "we're not married. i don't want to wear my ring." but we are married. "don't do this in front of the kids." (suddenly he gives a crap about the kids???) then you need to leave. "no, this is my house. i have a right to be here." no, you left r. please leave. "no. stop doing this in front of the kids." then i need you to leave. "i'll leave later. the kids are mine too." i know that. but i'm begging you to leave. "no." then i'll call the police. finally, on his terms, he leaves. but not before telling me he won't be saying "i love you anymore." wonderful.
but wait, it gets better. later that afternoon it is brought to my attention that r took the night off of work and has dinner reservations at a nice restaurant in san francisco. for two. i find out which restaurant and at what time. a friend of a friend of a friend volunteers to check it out. this person describes his date as "blonge. lots of eye makeup. sleezy looking." it's bar girl with him. bar slut? (but truly, i blame r.) and i have proof now. at least my path is clear.
friday (yesterday morning) we have our appointment with bob. he can tell i'm mad when we sit down. i tell him there are still three of us involved with therapy and that that isn't ok with me. i want a divorce. bob and r look confused. r, where were you last night? he looks me in the eyes. "at home." you're lying to me. "no, i was at home." i know you weren't at home. why are you bothering to lie to me? "ok. but i'm not. i was at home." no, you weren't. you were in san francisco with xxx. i have proof. silence. "we're just friends." bullshit. you told me you broke it off with her. "i did." and so on... i deserve better. i deserve better.
it comes out during the session that he's happier than he's ever been. that it is none of my business what he does or how he is spending our money. that he's a giver and i'm a taker. that i can be summed up in one word: selfish. etc.
i guess even after 11 years it's possible to not know someone.
bob (in all his fantabulousness) talked r out of getting a lawyer. that's money we don't have. we're going to try and do it ourselves. of course if he trys to dick me around all bets are off.
i'm still praying for a miracle (namely that he comes to his senses and realizes the loss he'll be facing) but i'm not hopeful.
but wait, it gets better. later that afternoon it is brought to my attention that r took the night off of work and has dinner reservations at a nice restaurant in san francisco. for two. i find out which restaurant and at what time. a friend of a friend of a friend volunteers to check it out. this person describes his date as "blonge. lots of eye makeup. sleezy looking." it's bar girl with him. bar slut? (but truly, i blame r.) and i have proof now. at least my path is clear.
friday (yesterday morning) we have our appointment with bob. he can tell i'm mad when we sit down. i tell him there are still three of us involved with therapy and that that isn't ok with me. i want a divorce. bob and r look confused. r, where were you last night? he looks me in the eyes. "at home." you're lying to me. "no, i was at home." i know you weren't at home. why are you bothering to lie to me? "ok. but i'm not. i was at home." no, you weren't. you were in san francisco with xxx. i have proof. silence. "we're just friends." bullshit. you told me you broke it off with her. "i did." and so on... i deserve better. i deserve better.
it comes out during the session that he's happier than he's ever been. that it is none of my business what he does or how he is spending our money. that he's a giver and i'm a taker. that i can be summed up in one word: selfish. etc.
i guess even after 11 years it's possible to not know someone.
bob (in all his fantabulousness) talked r out of getting a lawyer. that's money we don't have. we're going to try and do it ourselves. of course if he trys to dick me around all bets are off.
i'm still praying for a miracle (namely that he comes to his senses and realizes the loss he'll be facing) but i'm not hopeful.