worlds greatest golfer

so i realized something today at the grocery store when the cashier (who we've known for a few years now) complemented me on how cute my kids are.

her: your kids are getting to be so cute.
me: thanks!
her: how old are you? you look so good for having two kids.
me: thank you. i'm only twenty-five.
her: ohhh. you look great. what's your secret?
me: my husband left me.
her: *silence*
me: i mean, stress, i'm busy, you know...'cause my husband left me. or something.
her: *silence*
man behind me in line buying two gallons (literally) of hard liquor and nothing else: *looks at my breasts*
her: well! it's probably for the best!!!
me: i didn't think so 6 months ago but i think so now. so yeah. that's my secret!

"my husband left me" is my answer for everything these days.

i'm sorry i lost the school binder, but things are crazy *wait for it* my husband left me.

no, i can't go out tonight, i have to be with the kids all the time...my husband left me.

i'm on wic but it's not my fault, my husband left me.

i don't wear a wedding ring; my husband left me.

i'm divorcing, but not because i failed my marriage somehow, he left me.

just like the "cancer card" didn't last forever (i don't have an eating disorder, i had cancer...please let me cut in line, i almost died...cancer, ya know?) this one won't either. and i don't want it to. because, i was not defined by my lymphoma and i will not be defined by my having been "left."