tattoo

he's inked their names
on his upper back
in a flashy sort of font.

as if carrying them like this
makes up for all the ways
he has let them down.

my desire to claw them
off of you is tempered by
the knowledge that you
never really held them,

by the finger-printy card our
son made at school, already
promised to someone else,

how our daughter will perform,
the whole world in her hands,
not noticing the place you aren't.




overdue

i have the sleepy sickenss again. will not backspace which you know if very hard. flowers wildting in two vases to say i'm a mom, by chouice, good or not, thanks for all you do! theres a choice asshat? takethe bed, the sidetables the mattress...the milk stains, teh baby pee, the sexless night. have it, enhoy it's yours! its the proverbial: you made your bed, now sleep in it! not quite right i'm sure but hazah. the promise of a trip a vacation a plane you and me. funny we haven't vacationed together are you a beach sleeper a hesitant turtle snorkler a persistant drinker? don't want to hear about the day the wedding the boxes but the three housr the 72 cups of coffee the avocados just ripe and the not-s0-baby asking for beets for breakfast. roasted as instructed. one in africa, maybe two can't remember the date but fairly certain you warned of danger on the beach for women we have a california king now you don't feel so far away or in any case i'm too comfortable to give a hot damn. we're buried in chocolate gobs and gobs in the new machine that felt so far away in fact the bed is calling now.

thursday 13: week 10

13 things on my bucket list - a very abridged version

1) travel to every continent (i've got n. america, europe, and australia covered)

2) buy what i consider to be my childhood home (my maternal grandparents home in monte sereno, ca)

3) win an award for chocolate making

4) become a published author

5) own and play piano, well

6) live at the beach somewhere warm and surf, frequently

7) live abroad for at least a year (paris would be my first choice)

8) grow tomatoes that impress even my dad

9) raise my children to be happy and successful

10) own a lounge/chocolate bar with plush couches, books, artwork, music, and simple but incredible food

11) read at least one book a month, every year for the rest of my life

12) own a house with a library and a dark room

13) get a graduate degree